Articles by Ty Keaton
I am a UNT and TAMU grad with a dwindling passion for sports and a growing passion for everything else. I experience sports and life through a cynical, mocking lens but still find a way to enjoy most things and stay happy. My only fear in life is karmatic payback for my irreverence and also like to eat power lunches at Arby's.
In case you missed the news, the Cowboys finally won a playoff game. Romo is a smiling hero; Wade is a defensive mastermind instead of a pudgy dufus and all is right for millions of crazy rednecks proclaiming that this is once again “A FOOTBALL TOWN!”
A nicely dated rant (but only by a few weeks) about an ad campaign that pissed me off. This is why people have sports blogs, right?
Sure, us city folk enjoy our steel buildings and prepackaged food, but what happens when TY takes a life-changing journey to middle-America? Will he forsake it all and become a farmer? (Spoiler Alert: Nope, he’s too incompetent). Or will he return with some grandiose, self-important lessons to share with the world? (Spoiler alert: you’re an idiot if you are still thinking of an answer)? Read on for sexy, but not pornographic, farm time adventures.
In this deeply personal writeup… Your heroes show you on the doll where the bad TV shows touched them.
So many horrible memories…
Ty comes back from Iowa, confused and frightened by all the changes in the world. And Ioannis, rather than getting off his ass and writing his own blog posts, frequently chimes in like an Editorial Cockblocker.
If you’re hungry for a robust travelogue that orbits an insignificant National League baseball game that happened three weeks ago… Dinner is SERVED!
What happens when Tales from the Temple wins the lottery, gets drunk, beats its kids and heads to the Big City to make it as a dancer?
If you’re a Bible-type, you know the story of Samson and Delilah and what happens when you sell out your manhood. You’ve probably embraced the New Testament ideas of her sweeping your stinky, unkempt feet with her perfume-soaked hair; but slow down, sailor. You’re not Jesus, and that means you are going to have to figure out how to bend without breaking.
Sadly, no one has come close to figuring out a Biblically accepted solution for scene control. So instead, the only real way to feel better about it is with a new and probably recurring column we’re calling “Emasculation Theater.”
Good news for douchebags! For what may be a limited time only, you can put away your Yankees and Red Sox gear and pretend to be a die hard Rangers fan! Bandwagon’s rolling… Hop aboard!
TY has learned that if you can’t overcome the officiating, you don’t deserve to win. It’s a valuable lesson, with lots of other potential sports applications.
