In case you missed the news, the Cowboys finally won a playoff game. Romo is a smiling hero; Wade is a defensive mastermind instead of a pudgy dufus and all is right for millions of crazy rednecks proclaiming that this is once again “A FOOTBALL TOWN!”

I have no desire to analyze the game (Sturm does it so well) or talk about prospects for next week (that’s going to be unavoidable everywhere else), but I do want to send a shout out to the subset of Cowboys that I am fascinated by (and one of): The Statler and Waldorf Observationalists (SWOs).

SWOs want the Cowboys to win, but are beaten down by a lot of the factors of rooting for the Cowboys, especially the team’s fans. Hell is truly other people, especially when it comes to blogs, message boards, bar debates and sports talk radio. The highs and lows of a season are amplified by complaints about all sorts of extra bullshit (They spat on our blue painted piece of turf that is designed to look like a star! Romo needs to turn his hat around if he wants to win! Wade Phillips shouldn’t look so much like me!) The misery influenced by these people can almost turn you against the team as you root for them. There have been several losses where I’ve cheered myself up by thinking “hey, at least those assholes are going to be miserable.”

On the other hand, every success is a RETURN TO THE GLORY YEARS (of wins, hookers and neck scissors). If the team wins a few games in a row or blows out the Seahawks, watch the eff out — it’s SUPERBOWL TIME!!! YEEHAW!!! Also, if you didn’t get the memo, the team has five Super Bowls. FIVE! Your team does not have more, unless you are some kind of bandwagon Steelers fan. Oh yes, this fan base will gladly tell you how much fans of any of the other big name team is a bandwagon loser, almost flying in the face of their most common criticism. It’s like having a Mexican friend who insists on making racist comments or a female friend who calls herself hot way too liberally: the comments may be rooted in truth, but they are extra weird and off-putting.

The SWO fan wants success, but wants to live in a world where it is enjoyed quietly. If the team kept this roll going next week against the Vikings, it would be fantastic. It would just require a break from the internet, talk radio and sports media. Maybe SWOs are a product of this recent shift to ironic detachment and need to critique everything about our culture, but it’s not something we can unprogram. Don’t be confused, our support is unwavering for the team, but please let us keep a low profile and enjoy this quietly. Those of you who feel the need to get into the ESPN message board and start trashing the ViQueens and brandishing your five rings can all just go cover your dicks in rat traps and ride a bike down a bumpy road.

GO COWBOYS!

ED: I have very little to add, but I felt it was appropriate to add this sketch from “That Mitchell and Webb Look”. Those boys are quite funny.