How much do I love North Texas? So much that I was willing to take yet another trip into the Zydeco airboat Heart of Darkness. If love is pain, then my love for North Texas is truer than truth.

Longtime readers will recall that I have a deep and intense dislike for the state of Louisiana. In the writeup for last year’s visit to Monroe, I wrote:

Frankly, the entire state evokes the aesthetic appeal of a dysentery patient’s unwiped ass. So filter all my criticism and analysis through that admitted anti-Louisiana bias.

Well, I still don’t much care for Louisiana. But this was my second trip to Lafayette, and I’ve enjoyed myself tremendously both times. The students, alums, and the University go out of their way to make everyone that visits feel welcome. I will make this trip for football every year I possibly can, and I strongly encourage any North Texas fan within a 300 mile radius to do the same.

To any Louisianuses or Louisianusettes that may find their way here… I don’t claim that there’s anything inherently wrong with your state; my dislike is a matter of personal taste. I have a similar blanket aversion to Mississippi. I suppose somebody has to live there… And I’m glad that when I’ve visited Lafayette, the people that do live there have shown us such a good time.

This billboard guy seems to have a Blank Screen fetish.

Because apparently, a good time is tough to find in Lafayette. At least, that’s the conclusion I came to (no pun intended) when we spotted this billboard on our way in to town. On one hand (no pun intended), I’m sad for the folks of Louisiana that they’re so bereft of entertainment options that they succumb to internet porn addiction.

On the other hand, at least some of them have the technology to actually access the internet.

What is this, 1994? Are those porn addicts still logging on through Prodigy?

I don’t know enough about what this is all about, short of saying that this is a legitimate and operational business that’s running on the corner of Jackson and Johnson streets in Lafayette. Honestly, I thought beeper stores were just a punchline on 30 Rock.

Apparently, some people are still buying those things for personal use. And apparently, those people live in Louisiana.

Due to a limited amount of time and an abundance of rain, my brother and I decided to cut short our pager investigation, and pass up a walking tour of the ULL campus. What we did see of the campus was all red brick, with some nice walkways. Looks nice, and a lot more consistent than what we saw in Monroe. When we go back, hopefully the weather will be better and we can take some pictures.

We got some last minute directions (thanks, FireFightnRick!) to Prejean’s, Lafayette’s highly recommended Cajun restaurant.  Among the attractions are an aquarium full of tortoises in the lobby and (allegedly) a stuffed alligator.

The food wasn’t bad, but it was disappointing. I like etouffee, shrimp in particular. But I’m disgusted by cockroach lobster, commonly referred to in Louisiana as “crawfish”. Unfortunately, the menu was heavy on crawfish, so I wound up getting a stuffed flounder that was pretty good but nowhere near the multiple mouthgasms I experienced at Dreamland BBQ in Tuscaloosa.

Side orders seemed to be standard across most dishes- a concoction called “macque choux” that can best be described as a tart filled with tangy corn, and a ball of spicy dark rice.

My brother got a platter of fried stuff, and was excited to eat frog legs for the first time. He loved his meal a lot more than I loved mine, at least until he found a bug skittering around on his plate.

Fortunately, they didn’t charge him extra for a side of crawfish.

Anyway, he crushed the bug with his fork and decided he was not interested in eating any more. We did not opt for dessert. Final verdict? Aside from the insect, Prejean’s wasn’t bad. But I wouldn’t even put it in the same league as Pappadeaux’s.

One thing that does live up to reputation is the Lafayette tailgating scene. They’ve got a lively and friendly tent atmosphere all around the stadium. The gentleman above was one of a pair of guys sporting Ragin’ Cajuns flag capes and face paint.

Their spirit was charming, and they were very friendly… Even if we couldn’t quite understand everything they were trying to say to us. Let’s just say that even though they looked younger than 21, neither of them was at any risk of dehydrating.

Face painting is more Ty’s thing than mine… But even a face paint and cape critic would agree that their attire was, at worst, the second most unfortunate fashion decision we saw that day:

Don’t squeeze the Juice! Or something…

[Editor's Note: When I checked to see if we have a "Michael Vick" tag, I found our tag for "Vicki Lawrence is worse than Hitler". At first, I couldn't remember why we created that tag, but eventually I remembered our writeup on "Mama's Family".  If you're a new visitor, check it out.]

There’s more to the Lafayette game environment than drunk face painters and pre-teen dog fighting enthusiasts. They also have one of my favorite tailgating traditions, the pre-game band performance.

My musical background consists of a three week crash course in the song flute, a few unsuccessful relationships with lady musicians, and an even more unsuccessful attempt at learning to play bass as a means of improving my post-arthritis finger dexterity. Even though all three were painful experiences, I’ve taken the high road and forgiven music for all the pain it’s caused me.

Marching bands playing peppy songs in parking lots have gone a long way towards healing those wounds.

There were some other notable sights, but their origins and purposes remain a mystery to me:

A Cajun scooter is like a Cajun fat girl… Both are probably fun to ride, but embarrassing to be seen on.

Besides, who wouldn’t prefer a ragin’ Hummer, anyway?

Where’s Waldouche? Scrappy found him.

Waldo was one of a large number of Cajun students with two common traits: They were (1) drunk or well on their way to getting drunk, and (2) they struck the perfect balance between gracious hosts and heckling us. One pack of guys came over behind the North Texas section to shout their “Ragin’ Cajuns” call and response chant (basically, our “North… Texas” chant, but faster and with slurred speech), then shook our hands, posed for some pictures, and wished us a pleasant and safe trip home.

Later, the public address guy did a stadium announcement during the game acknowledging the North Texas fans in attendance, thanking us for visiting, and also wishing us a safe return trip. When he was done, the stadium gave a big cheer and round of applause.

The whole thing was very classy, and I’d be proud to see North Texas steal the tradition. Unlike flying tortillas, good manners and hospitality never gave anyone a black eye.

Interestingly, the only people who were dicks were the first guy I saw in the lobby at Prejean’s (customer, not an employee), and a group of three guys who were the last people we encountered before getting in the car after the game. Everyone else we talked to or heard from was great.

Behold, the largest Louisiana state flag in the world!

The Louisiana state flag, for anyone unfamiliar, depicts a giant stork spitting blood into the faces of a nest full of hatchlings. It’s disturbing and borderline pornographic, but the good folks in Lafayette are damn proud to have the largest one in existence.

My pole didn’t really respond to their flag, but I was impressed with their field and stadium bowl. Sight lines are great, spectators are right on top of the action, and the field area looks fantastic.

The bathrooms, though… Not a pretty sight. I’m not sure if their troughs are waterless like the urinals at Fouts, but I doubt it. All that rust had to come from somewhere. To their credit, roughly half of the toilet stalls had doors on them.

But the parts of the stadium that aren’t intended to be pissed on are quite impressive for a Sun Belt school. I’d trade Fouts for it, straight up.

Apparently, the Cajuns are fighting a battle against their own LSU version of Texas Douche. The back of Tiger Bait’s shirt says “Death Valley” with an arrow pointing down to his butt crack. I don’t know how effective their Cajun Pride t-shirt campaign has been, but I’m a sucker for a dick joke and I support their cause.

As for the game… Well, it’s tough to talk about football anymore. The season started out promising, the team has plenty of talent on it… But the losses keep coming, and in excruciating fashion. Maybe I’ll have more to say about football another time.

For now, a final thank you to the good folks of Lafayette. If you’re reading this, give yourselves a pat on the back for being such good hosts. And since you’re online, go ahead and treat yourself to some hot internet porno, porno, porno action.

Ignore those killjoy billboards. You’ve earned it.