If there’s one problem with the DRC Mean Green blog, it’s the severe lack of whimsy and joy, especially when covering Mean Green football. We have been racking our brains to come up with a solution that will not only solve this problem, but provide a new perspective for the devoted 25 fans of the program. Luckily, the solution was right under our nose!

Introducing Lucky - the TakeaKnee Leprechaun!

Lucky is only 20 inches tall, so the draconian  practice restrictions and fenced-off observation rules don’t apply to him. He can get all the way up your crack before you even know he is there. That’s why we like to call him our little fun gerbil around the office - although he’s really bad at playing The Richard Gere Game.

Anyway, here is Lucky’s first practice report from the field. When we asked him what we could expect in this and all future reports, he said “a warm smile, a positive attitude, the optimism of the Irish and wee whimsical surprises!”

Take it away, Lucky!

I had the chance to watch the North Texas football team today and boy howdy, them are some big boys! I mean I know I am small, but seeing these men of green stampeding across that four mile long field really put me in awe of my place in the universe. What a wonderful day to be alive - and to be a leprechaun!

I couldn’t stop watching defensive ends Eddrick Gilmore and Kyle Russo doing their pass rushing drills. Those big uglies are massive - I mean, they could easily destroy half of the Rainbow forest if they got mad. If they came looking for me pot o’ gold, I would hand it over while wetting my pants with my own golden urine, which I would then also give them to be safe. The offensive line may have won the drill, but those two easily won my heart.   I’d also like to mention Draylen Ross as well. He may not be worthy of my piss pants, but he could at least split half the pot. [Editor's note: Don't let the pot references make you uncomfortable.]

Since football is all about the line play, I’d like to tell you about another big, strapping fellow on the offensive line. Big Nate Jenkins may have eaten too much boiled cabbage and potato stew last year, but he is looking good this year. Watching him work was like achieving orgasm while swimming through a wine carafe filled with Jameson.

Last night I went to get a drink at the Gumdrop Castle Bar and Grill and some jerk next to me was talking about how special teams are the least important part of football. I immediately smashed my top hat buckle across his face. Are you kidding me? Do you know how many games have turned on a big return, kick block, coffin corner punt or field goal? 9,875 in the last 40 years. I looked it up. That’s why I was excited to see Royce Hill, John Shorter and Willie Taylor returning punts. I don’t loosely and arbitrarily throw around the team 4.4 speed (mainly because I don’t know what it is), but they definitely got it! Also, you should see Ira Smith return a kickoff. It’s like watching Willa Ford and Mike Modano make love from a tiny crook in their comforter. I’m such a scamp!

As a leprechaun, I’d also like to tackle the issues people are making about how tall Riley Dodge is. Sure, he may look the same height as 5′9 Lance Dunbar when they stand side-by-side, but that’s not the point. Size didn’t stop me from doing your mom and it surely won’t stop him from doing my mom! Riley is an inspiration to all of my people and we think it is about time the fans showed him the proper respect. He’s the best we’ve seen since the Jeff Georgian-gunslinger Shamus O’JefGeorge.

If you like stereotypes, the Irish are famous for drinking and fighting, which is why I love the famous cone drill. You know the one where two players start at the line of scrimmage and chase sideline cones while locked in an epic battle? Of course you do. so Eddrick Gilmore and Tobe Nwigwe start going at it hot and heavy and it reminds me instantly of the epic giant battle between Grimlock and Eddenswurf. The earth shook and ultimately Gilmore won, but then the damnedest thing happened. Instead of ripping his head off and eating his brain, they just shook hands and congratulated each other!

When I was young, we used to play a game where me and my brothers rode unicorns as fast as we could around a field while our father tossed brightly colored dragon eggs into the air for us to spear with the unicorn horns. Sadly, Father was later eaten by the dragon who’s children he aborted for our amusement. But the spirit of running and catching and speed continues to fascinate me. That’s why I love watching the receivers work.

I really like Mike Outlaw and Jamaal Jackson - they look good and made catches that made me long to be on the broad back of Atsolor one more time. I also liked watching Kenny Barrett and that Tyler Stratford guy from the far land of O’klahoma. For a guy who’s not supposed to play, he sure does get a lot of reps. Perhaps a little leprechaun magic is afoot to get him ready for the fall, no?

Still, someone has to oppose my receiving heroes of the winged foot, and the secondary was worth watching as well. Royce Hill and Adryan Adams look like the current first teamers at cornerback and other highlights included cornerback Antoine Bush and safety John Shorter making some pretty pass break ups in the backfield.

That’s all for today. I’ll continue to do my best to avoid being detected and plan to provide an inside look at the locker room sometimes before the Spring Game. I know Ioannis wants me to settle the debate between him and Ty about who has the smoothest taint on the team, so I’ll bring my leprecamera. Boys and girls, remember, if you believe and wish for great things, your pot of gold (perhaps a .500 season) is only a rainbow away! Go Mean Green!