One of the things that you have to learn quickly to get ahead in life is that less is usually more. Sure, you can come up with all these great “ideas” and “themes” and organize them into “coherent thoughts” using “sentence structure,” but that’s loser talk.

You know who liked to think about writing a lot? Ernest freaking Hemingway! What did he get for his troubles? A self-inflicted bullet hole in the head. Meanwhile, look at Dean Koontz. He cranks out content like an old man trolling for kids on MySpace and is all the richer for it. So, ask yourself – do you want to be a Hemingway or a Koontz?

I thought so.

So, you’re probably asking yourself, what’s the first step to releasing my own inner Koontzness? It’s simple – record and write down every single idea that pops in your head during a day and then present it in a public forum using your Facebook status, Twitter account or some blog that you decide to start with your anti-social outcast friends.

I did this today at the Sun Belt Basketball Tournament and challenge you to not have your life changed as I verbally spray my thoughts all over the room - like Hemingway’s brains!

1. Somedays, you see a butterfly. Other days, you see Justin Howerton power home a dunk to help open up a conference game against a hated rival. Remember that time the autistic kid hit all those three pointers and your mom forwarded you the clip on YouTube and told you it was a great story? This was that - times a billion - because it involved our fan favorite goofy lunch pail white guy.

2. Hey, MTSU guy who heckled his own team by saying “come on, we can score more points against their football team” – well played. You know what was not well-played? This game. By your basketball team.

3. Today Lil’ Johnny Jones showed some MTSU girl what was up in a dress up/lay up contest during a timeout. You don’t want to mess with that family. Our better is better than your better’s family! Someday I am going to have my son write crap on the internet while I am teaching other people how to write crap on the internet and explode my own mind with meta-awesomeness.

4. North Texas shot one airball today, much to the delight of the MTSU Blue Raider faithful (despite the Blue Raiders being down 13 or so at the time.) Smartly, the Mean Green band quickly overpowered the airball chant by just repeating “scoreboard” over and over again. It was a small moment, but dog gone it, the kids are learning more about basketball heckling every day.

5. They had to blast the air conditioning in parts of the arena because this is not just any basketball tournament – it is “Hot Hoooooops, in Hoooooot Spriiiiiings.” We keep singing that phrase incessantly and there is a good chance Ioannis will lose the love of his lady friend because of it by the time we get back to Texas. To get an idea of what this sounds like when we sing it, imagine Barry Gibb being kicked in the groin by Dee Snider as the Dixie Chicks fiddle along. We’re not ready to make nice, lady friend.

6. WKU and UALR were extremely well represented today at the tournament – which is expected for the top two seeds. UALR in particular had great fan support (despite their insistence on wearing Arkansas Razorback gear only.) I was impressed that North Texas had the third largest crowds - baby steps! The next goal? Draw as many people as the midnight showing of Watchmen. Next Friday.

Some people may argue that Middle Tennessee may have brought more of their fans than we did, but these people have yet to be swayed by my persuasive “the elderly don’t count” dissertation. Suck it, Bea Arthur.

7. We spent some time with the Denver band in the second half of their match with Little Rock. They fought hard, but came up short at the buzzer. I still totally feel for the electric fiddle player who poured his heart into cheering that entire game even as his team fell apart. The last time someone in Colorado wanted something that badly…generic Kobe Bryant rape joke.

Hey, at least your school has a really good hockey team!

8. Speaking of Denver, they have an extremely talented cheerleader who happens to have a prosthetic leg. If not for uniform requirements, you would never know it because of how well she did her job. She could certainly teach the MTSU male cheerleader fatty brigade a thing or two about “Bringing it on.”Or at least “putting it down” (i.e. Funyuns)

9. Final Denver note: they do not have set plays – just the same freaking Princeton offense motion set. Once UALR adjusted after going down by double digits, Denver’s coach proved his mettle by …cussing out his bench players and telling them to “know their f***ing positions” while not letting them on the floor. Then, with 25+ seconds on the clock and trailing by three, he calls (a) a quick screen to set up a good luck (b) a quick play inside to get a basket and maybe a foul or (c) the same motion “play” that had been stopped for 11 minutes straight as his team finished with 18 second half points. Nicely done, sir.

10. After the final horn sounded on the Mean Green’s big second round win today, a rather curious scene broke out behind us. A young gentleman in slacks and a sharp maroon button down shirt sitting behind an older gentleman in an MTSU hat and a Kansas Jayhawks jacket threw their arms around each other’s necks and held each other. This lasted at least three minutes before they finally got up and walked out together. It was a touching reminder of how sports binds the….ah, screw it, THIS IS AMERICA! GO HOME YOU QUEER LOSERS!

YEEHAW!

Isn’t this some fantastic online journalism? If you want to see even MORE proof that newspapers are obsolete and worthless, click HERE for part two of Sunday’s Hot Shots, Hot Thoughts, Hot Springs by Ty!